Send me a mac book and I may change my mind

Disclaimer: I have not purchased an Apple Product since 1983 when I bought an Apple IIe.

I have been watching the iPad circus as if its success or failure mattered to me. It doesn't. I'm not in a position financially to buy a new digi-toy and my lifestyle doesn't seem like its a particularly good fit with it. I am not a gamer and I live and work with real-deal computers never more than a room away from me. I drive the 12 minutes it takes me to go from one of these places to the other--so I have no boring transit journeys. I also have a very nice netbook and a smartphone.

But this is not about my dislike of Apple products, in general, or about the iPad, in particular. It may be about my propensity to care about stuff so distant from me as to be entirely meaningless, but by the time this post is completed, it may turn out to be about something else. I never know until it's over.

Yesterday I spent an embarrassing amount of time watching an old Top Chef marathon. Old as in Season 3 (2007). I fell in and out of like with contestants; I booed and hissed. I manipulated RW's sweet nature to be able to watch the finale in bed, in lieu of the repeat of Law and Order that is our usual bedtime fare.

In real life, I am the antithesis of a busybody. I often stand back and observe the lives of people connected to me, but I ask no probing questions and, these days at least, it's unlikely that I will intrude into someone's life unless explicitly invited to do so.

I often find myself repeating, under my breath, "I have no horse in this race."

Sometimes it seems like I might, indeed, have that horse. I truly care about the progression of my son's romance, but I don't ask about it. RW has a financial thing going on that will impact both of us, but that he is not willing to talk about--yet.

I think some of this came about as the result of being raised in a family in which unrelenting over-involvement was a given. My family could have served as the inspiration for the concept of high expressed emotion.

From my perspective, it takes real effort, sustained over time, to become a player, not just an actor, in someone else's life. This effort should be coupled with a belief that one can make a positive difference in the outcome and the sure knowledge that the involvement would be both welcome and ultimately useful. Lacking those essentials, it takes chutzpah and a sense of entitlement I can't seem to muster these days. Well, most of the time--though I have my moments.

It's so much easier to be invested in the outcome of a three year old TV series, or the launch of a digital piece of kit. It makes no difference to Steve Jobs if I join the throngs of Apple lovers, or not. The folks competing on TopChef have long since moved on without me. These things don't touch my life. They can't.

The other things do, but that does not mean that I should worm my way in, either. My son will work his way through his relationship without my involvement. When RW has news to share, he will do so. I believe that most people competently navigate through their lives without my whispered comments (or yelled instructions) from the sidelines.

Or mebbe I am just lazy. Or scared.