Probably not a good sign

I suppose it is noodlish for me to do this, but what's up with toilet paper these days? For years and years, I bought huge packs of Scott toilet paper at our local big box store and it simply did what it was supposed to do. All the TP in all the bathrooms I happened upon outside of my own home also seemed fine.

By fine I meant that I had no sense of rubbing my bum with sandpaper and I never received a paper cut on my nether regions. Those in the know never told me that I had pieces of left over paper festooning my behind, either.

That all changed in 2009. Suddenly the big box store didn't sell plain old Scott Tissue. And the teevee started extolling the virtues of soft, softer, softest teepee. There were ads with bears examining each others' butts and finding the dreaded paper clumps, and other bears counting the number of individual sheets used per performance.

I could avoid the bears by hitting the 30 second skip on my PVR, of course, but there was no denying that toilet paper had changed, and not for the better. It seemed like any brand we brought home was suddenly so soft that it no longer functioned, urmm, effectively. Leaving clumps behind actually did become a problem. More then that, it suddenly seemed necessary to use 24 sheets of the damn stuff to be able to emerge from the bathroom dry and not noticeably smelling of poo.

I'm looking forward to 2010, but at the same time, I am feeling nostalgic for the toilet paper of 2008. I'll be eagerly monitoring the bears' adventures for a TP equivalent of Coke Classic in the months ahead.

And Happy New Year to you, too.